10 steps to a stress free wedding

The mental energy that goes into wedding planning reminds me of a computer…….silly, I know but you know when you go to shut down and it says there are programs running in the background? I’m not sure the mind ever switches off………this, combined with late nights, stress, and running around here, there and everywhere can lead to feeling run down, colds, throat problems or just sheer exhaustion! And you still have to get through your wedding day and honeymoon…. Honestly, why do we do it to ourselves?

Because we want the wedding day we want.

But where possible, make a plan to look after yourself in the lead up to your wedding with these simple ideas.

1. Make lots of lists – there are heaps of wedding planning tools on the internet (I think even Microsoft word has templates you can use if desperate)

2. Pay as many suppliers as possible well in advance so there is nothing left to pay close to the wedding or better still, ask someone else to do this for you!

3. Plan to go to bed early……. or fall asleep when you need to (like a cat)

4. Spend some time walking, doing yoga, meditation, or simply sitting and visualising your serene self – maybe you can devote a part of your busy brain to things that relax you, so you can access serenity while being very busy

5. Plan a basket of nibbles or food to have after the wedding reception in case there is no room service at the hotel room…….prepackaged is fine, and yes this means chocolates and biscuits, you can go back to ignoring calories now that it’s over

6. Ask your friends and family to assist you with your to-do list…try to trust others

7. When the boss is feeling gererous and asks you if you want to take extra time off before the wedding, say yes!

8. Take some multivitamins in the lead up to your wedding

9. Let your Mum or mother in law look after you and if she offers to come and clean… let her go crazy!

10. Ask your bridal party to be more than just arm candy for you and give them certain jobs. With the technology available you can virtually organise from your own loungeroom or even bed!

With a bit of careful planning, you can let everyone else take care of everything while you take care of yourself and all  you have to do is… well… show up and enjoy yourself and be as fresh as a freesia while looking your best.

And one last one – keep in touch with your celebrant – this you can do by yourself

Lessons on life learned from loss – Why I do what I do part 1

Now, I know not everyone comfortable with talking about funerals but I feel that instead of running and hiding when the word is mentioned, we might feel the courage to stop and take a look at what happens inside us when we think about funerals which generally brings up our own fear of death and losing people who are the most close to us – Spending some time in conscious thought can actually bring us some very important lessons about life.

Since being involved in a funeral on the 13th January for a one week old sweet baby, I have delved much deeper into my own consciousness and it has made me more aware of why I love my role.

The task ahead of me, that day when I was asked to help, was a lot more like a mission. I felt an extraordinary rush of ‘this is it, this is the ultimate for me as a celebrant’ what I meant was the ultimate test, the ultimate challenge and it turned out to be the ultimate life changing experience.

For me, as the mother of 4 children, to be faced with one of the most painful situations I could ever imagine… to lose a baby would be a heartache from which I am not sure I would ever recover. To be pregnant takes an enormous amount of courage – sure we’ve been having babies for centuries – the body knows what to do etc etc, but….. these things do happen despite the best health plans, the best practises, the best medical care and emergency teams and the best intentions.  Bringing into the world a new life which has the potential to be taken away from us……….

So here I was – FACE TO FACE with the most heartbreaking situation imaginable (I’m sure there are worse but this one was right up there) And having a baby four years ago myself this fear was not too far from the surface.

I came to the house, and dropped all my expectations. At that point I was simply a compassionate human being first and a celebrant second… and being professional was way down my list of priorities at that moment. The information transfer began and I felt it was a real honour to be in the house the third day after her passing. Our emotions for the three of us were right there on the surface and we each cared for each other.  Everything was so raw and fresh, but this couple……. words almost fail as to how absolutely amazing they were, and that is a huge understatement. To me they are heroes.  I told them early on that I was not a robot, that I was sad for them, and I was real.

What this whole experience revealed to me could fill pages and pages – life – and the meaning of life – closeness and separation from a physical perspective, courage and strength, Spirituality and lessons learned from those around us, and those who have been with us such a short time…………..7 days, was all she was physically here but left a permanent imprint on so many hearts, so many lives. What she was able to teach her parents,  and those around us was immeasurable.

This post is probably too long already so I will continue it into part 2 – Why I do what I do………

And just on another related topic, if you can, please donate money to the Royal children’s hospital who do such amazing work in caring for children and their families.

Do I really sound like that?

To mic or not to mic………..?

They say that public speaking is a fear ranked higher than death.  That is pretty alarming really, that folks would sooner die than to hear their own voice amplified!

Obviously not all of us harbour that fear deep down inside, but certainly the good majority I would say do have it…. (Do I really sound like that?)

This fear emerges out of its deep dark recesses and confronts us head on when faced with using a microphone at weddings!

I’ve seen couples almost break into a fight over it, I’ve seen people go from confident Fonzy type behaviour to frightened little rabbit in minutes at the very suggestion of it.  And I’ve seen people reluctantly say they will do it and then speak with all the volume of a whisper!  It’s huge, and I do not trivialise this fear.

Let me tell you a few stories…. recently a nervous groom and I met in front of a lovely lake with a bubbling fountain in the late afternoon where the wedding would be held.  The bride had chosen the song that she wanted to walk to, and my P.A. had an IPod plugged in to play it. As I was getting the sound just perfect, the groom told me not to bother with the P.A. – ‘Let’s go unplugged’ he said.

Phew…..A part of me was relieved…  it’s not like I fear using a microphone but the less equipment I have to rely upon, the easier my job will be. No P.A. to worry about, means no problems to encounter, but another part of me became concerned. Which leads me to another trend I see often at weddings…….

It’s the old sit at the back of the room or the bus trick – for some reason, people don’t want to come too close to the bride and groom.  A wedding isn’t a show, it’s an intimate sharing of feelings among your community of friends and family.

To me, intimate settings are better so gather around people!  Especially in this unstructured open environment, but everyone was gathering to the back of the chairs and beyond even further. There was no way they would hear the wedding!

So I went around to the groups and asked them if they would mind turning off their phones, and would they mind coming closer. Being unplugged, I felt it was important to connect more with my guests.  So I went around to everyone and introduced myself and asked them to let me know if they couldn’t hear me during the ceremony by waving their hands upwards to me so I could adjust my volume.  They all said they would, but no one did. I guess they were able to hear me after all – by making those personal connections, showing I cared about them and by gathering them all in closer.

Second story – I was invited to a wedding at Dromana beach. The couple had chosen a lovely spot and they were lucky with the weather as it was glorious. The ceremony itself was up on the wooden decking of a beach hut. I could see that the celebrant, who was a man, had a P.A. right there beside him but he didn’t use it. Only sometimes, I could vaguely make out what he was saying and other times, his voice just carried away to the water.  As a result, I didn’t hear a bit of the ceremony at all, so it was disappointing that it seemed more like a silent movie.  And what made it worse was the cars who constantly stopped at the lights with their music blaring completely overpowering the celebrant who didn’t really seem to be making an effort to ensure everyone could hear. (This also crosses over into another subject – Rehearsals)

Now, I am not sure if you know but celebrants have a Code of Practice and one of them refers to the celebrant’s responsibility to provide a method of amplifying their voice.  As celebrants need to be heard, I feel pretty strongly about other celebrants using a P.A. In other words, it’s not optional.

However if the couple strongly prefer that they would rather not have the P.A. then I won’t argue with them.

Perhaps the moral of my story is that, yes, we can get away without using microphones but the ceremony must be heard by the witnesses, The celebrant must be able to project their voice to the crowd and check with the people standing up the back to see if they hear it, and be able to adjust the volume as they go.

On a side note, a celebrant can and should stop the ceremony temporarily to allow noisy interruptions to pass by, such as noisy motorbikes for example.

It’s just the two of us…….or is it?

14 colour sand ceremony

Two people sign the Notice of Intended marriage – two people sign the declaration and the same two people stand before the minister or celebrant and make vows to each other – this much is true. But very few of us actually get to where we are in life on our own. Our beliefs have been shaped by our influences and people around us…

The purpose of a marriage ceremony is to legally unite a couple who intend to share a life together and make a lifelong commitment to each other, come what may…. So why ask the question about who else could be involved in the ceremony?

Well, let’s see….. there’s…….

Your parents – they have given you life and helped shape you into the people you are today. They’ve most likely supported and guided you. They’ve watched you grow and change, listened to you over the years, and been there for you during your darkest days.   Do you want to acknowledge them on your wedding day?

Your children – if you have them already – either brought into the partnership or had them together, they contribute to who you are – they are a big part of your life – depending on their age you might like to add something into the ceremony to re-affirm your love for them, and to give them confidence that your marriage will be a positive change.  You can take the opportunity to say something to them, or give them a gift.

Your brothers and sisters – most people think of their siblings to fill the roles of best man or Matron or Maid of honour or perhaps a bridesmaid or groomsman. If so, they have the double duty and responsibility of being both bridal party and general support person. Their efforts to help you during preparations or to calm you or just to walk with you step by step through every inch of your wedding, is something you might like to thank them for in detail. They might also hold the ring, help you with a ritual.

Other family members or close friends – all who might have helped or supported you – they might have provided a venue, driven a car for you, picked things up or helped you with the children. They might have paid for something to help you or maybe even brought you up - Whatever it is, you might like to acknowledge them.

Unless there are people just randomly wandering about near your wedding, everyone there will have a varying degree of connection with you and it’s nice to express your appreciation and gratitude to those you hold dear in your heart. Alternatively, you can call upon them to provide a reading, or tell a little story, to read some song lyrics, participate in a sand ceremony or a candle lighting or any other kind of ritual you may dream up.

You are only limited by your imagination and your courage to act on your heart’s desire. They will all love you anyway, so go for it!

It’s been too long…….

Yes, I’ve been naughty and haven’t written a blog post in ages. My reason, I think I have been all written out! October and November are shaping up to be huge months for me this year and the preparation has been one that has kept me awake til the small hours of the night – writing – writing – writing. But I finally feel as though I can come up for air…..just a little……….. but enough to let you know I am still here with a mountain of stories to tell, and experiences to share – and I will be back!

Each ceremony is prepared carefully to include everything that is dear to you

Time for a breather while signing the register. The ceremony is almost over

Delivering a ceremony which reflects you both, to see your happiness is worth all the late nights in the world

Well that’s it for the moment
Take care and enjoy this gorgeous weather!
Lisa Foster

Hassle Free Beach Weddings- Your Survival Guide

A beach is a gorgeous spectacular and calm place for a wedding….they are so romantic….right?  Sure, but did you think of everything?

I feel a bit like Mike and Mal here from the Leyland brothers with your survival guide to beach weddings. With a bit of forward planning, you can help everyone focus on the celebration without getting all distracted by the little niggles.

 

 

Let your guests know the exact location of the part of the beach where the ceremony will be held– be specific, be precise -Map references, landmarks, car parks, exact names, so people know where to go. You might know exactly where but your guests may be visiting for the first time. Better still, include a map.

Consider older guests when planning time of day. If it going to be held in a traditionally hot time of year, make sure you provide some water, umbrellas and adequate seating for the more senior folk, if you aren’t going to provide chairs for everyone.

Do you have any guests in a wheelchair? Have you ever tried to push something with wheels through sand?  It is very difficult to say the least. Having a beach wedding may not be a great idea if a few of your guests have mobility challenges or struggle walking long distances.

If it is likely to be hot, you might want to think about providing bottled water to your guests or umbrellas to grab if they choose. You don’t want them to melt.

Think about a focal prop for the bride and groom such   as market umbrellas, beach flags, a wooden canopy, ribbons, a flower arch or something which defines your area. It makes your photos look prettier too.

If your wedding is on an ocean beach and quite far from the car park, you might consider putting up a sign of some description or have ushers stationed along the paths so guests can easily find you. Or consider marking the path with shells or lamps or other kinds of accessories in a beachy theme or theme of your choice.

Remember the table and chairs for signing – ask the celebrant if she provides these for you or do you have to bring them yourself.

Certain beaches can be windy, so consider hairstyles, accessories that are likely to blow off or dresses that might balloon up Marilyn Munroe style. And make sure your flowers are not flimsy or the petals might blow off in the breeze, or wilt in the heat.

Schedule your rehearsal for the exact time of day that the wedding will be held. You’ll get an idea of where the sun is at, and how best to cope with that. Or perhaps any other noisy or clashing events which are likely to take place at that time, like crickets chirping, Better still, go to the place before you make up your mind and try it out. One beach wedding we went to was in front of the beach boxes on Dromana beach. Not only did  the celebrant not use his PA but every few minutes a car would stop at the lights with very loud heavy bass dance music on and you couldn’t hear a thing. Maybe moving down the beach would have blocked the noise a bit?

Bring the insect repellent – flies and mozzies love to annoy you on the beach – be prepared

Bring something to tie down the tablecloth or sticky-tape it to the table, use pegs or ribbons, and bring something to act as a paperweight if it is windy for the certificates and paperwork.

Ask your Celebrant to bring along his or her PA system no matter how few people you invite, If you’ve ever tried calling someone in the wind or down the beach, you’ll know your voice gets carried away.

Think about footwear – some shoes are almost impossible to wear while walking in sand. Are you going to want to go barefoot? Are you determined to wear a certain pair of shoes? How will you manage this?

Check with your local council to see it you need to pay to use the beach or if you have to book it. Each council has different rules and regulations, which makes each case unique. You can try to get away with it, but it would be one less thing to worry about on your big day

 

 

 

If all of this preparation changes your mind, why not consider a grassy area overlooking a beach or go for a garden wedding –

A kind thanks to Aisle Style, Beautiful beach weddings, and Richard Ingram Photography for the use of these gorgeous photos

Hadley’s naming ceremony

The Celebration of the Naming of Hadley

I bring you the naming ceremony of my youngest child Hadley, one that I co wrote with my celebrant who is also my aunty.  I have to admit we don’t go in for big ceremonies so this one is quite basic – at the time of creating it, I was extremely emotional and full to the brim of happiness and love, that I really didn’t want it to go too long.  We combined it with his first birthday celebration and a lunch for everyone.

Friends, we are meeting here today to take part in a simple meaningful ceremony.  We are here today to name this beautiful child and welcome him into our world, into a loving family, into a network of friends.

When a child comes into your life he or she fills a special place inside your heart.  It is a place which grows day by day and is filled firstly with amazement, followed by love, pride, a sense of achievement and a sense of awe at the responsibility that having a child entails.  Becoming a parent is both a wonderful and indescribable feeling.  Rik and Lisa have chosen to have a naming ceremony because they want the opportunity to express in their own way, the love and commitment that they have to Hadley.

An important friend and role model for Hadley will be his big sisters Jorgia, Maya and Sapphire.  He will develop a special relationship of love and trust with his big sisters and this will be valued by them  always.  Rik and Lisa and also aware of this bond and are pleased that Hadley has three big sisters to be there for him.

It is certain that the more love this child receives the more he will benefit in his life and the more love in turn she will be able to give others.  The more people to whom Hadley relates the more balanced and rich will be his growth.

So your presence at this celebration today is appreciated, as will your interest and involvement over the years ahead.

I would like to now invite Hadley’s mum Lisa, to share a reading with us.

A Recipe for Dreaming by Bryce Courtney

Nature formed you with perfect feet and hands and a heart that beats non stop, sometimes for a hundred years.

You were made complete.

You have inherited generations of wisdom, skill, poetry, song, all the sunrises and sunsets of knowledge past.

You are sum of all the people that went before you.

You are a refinery of all inherited intellectual wealth, the full flood of antecedent wisdom is piped and stored within you – how to climb the highest  mountains, slay the biggest monster, how to survive  fear and how to summon you own courage and take pride in your wonderful intelligence.

Inside you, are more possibilities that you could possibly use up in one lifetime.

If you can dream it, you can do it, because the instinctive knowledge of how to succeed is already programmed within you waiting to be turned on, it is waiting to flow like a river as you come on stream. 

 

The Naming

I will now ask you all to join with me as we say:

We all agree to call you Hadley (full name)

We therefore name you Hadley (full name)

We wish you long life and happiness

In a loving peaceful world

May you bring joy your parents, your sisters, your grandparents

To each of us, your family and friends

Parents Pledge

Rik and Lisa please repeat after me:

We love you, and we proudly name you Hadley William Kit Foster.  We wish you a long life and happiness in a loving and peaceful world.

Hadley, as a rainbow glows,  as a flower grows, as a river flows, as the warm wind blows, such is your parents’ love. Your parents chose your name with love and they give it to you with love. This name you are given today is yours to own and ours to celebrate.

Parents: This is our son; we love him and proudly name him Hadley  Foster

Parents/family’s Vows

Rik and Lisa you have given life to Hadley and brought him into the world.  And Rik, Lisa, Jorgia, Maya and Sapphire, will you as a family, care for him, protect him and guide him? Yes we will.

Will you help him to value those qualities that bring kindness, tolerance and respect for others? Yes we will.

Will you have the courage to let him go when she is ready to make his own way in the world? Yes we will.

(Please say this on behalf of us all) -Hadley, you mean so much to us here in this house.  You were so wanted and so welcome to this family, we cannot imagine a life without you in it.  WE adore you, and always will

Final Declaration

This ceremony will in no way inhibit Hadley from seeking the truth during his life and any future religious or non-religious commitments of belief.

In fact it is our duty to present him in the coming years with a broad and balanced view of life, and encourage his in virtues we all agree are good; integrity, honesty, concern, fairness and love towards his fellow human beings.

Hadley may life’s richest joys and blessings be yours.  May you grow in health of body and mind to full adulthood and may it be your good fortune to play some worthy part in making life a more pleasant for those whose paths you cross.

This ceremony today has been meant to strengthen the affection and friendship we all have for each other, especially the relationship between little Hadley and us.

Let us all be aware that our lives are interlaced and interrelated.  Today has been to celebrate Hadley and to show our happiness that he is with us, and to take the kindred spirit we feel in our hearts at this moment into all our tomorrows, so that we are all richer in spirit for his presence.

Thank you Rik, Lisa, Jorgia, Maya and Sapphire for asking us to be here today to witness Hadley’s naming.

I present to you Hadley Foster and we wish him well now and for all his life.

This was written when I was not yet a celebrant and since then, I have learnt so much and performed many wonderful naming ceremonies all with different takes on the name of the type of ceremony.  It can be personalised right down to the name of the event.  While some of this ceremony is used as a base, 99% of your ceremony will be written to your guidelines and personal story, history, feelings and family situation.

If you are inclined to want to honour your baby with a naming ceremony, contact me on 9017 0823, 0400 159 639 or lisa.foster@live.com.au.  I would love to help you create a memorable experience for your child and your family.

Thank you

Lisa Foster